Mommy Proof #40: Be comfortable in your own skin...or nah

I am a size 2-4 and I hate my body. I mean hate, hate. I hate my skin. I hate my cellulite. I hate my stretch marks. I hate saggy breasts that have been ravaged of five years of nursing. I hate my stomach that has been stretched and deflated over and over and over and over again. I hate that I underestimated how hard it would be to keep my body toned and fit. I hate that I lost the interest to do something about it. But what I hate most may surprise most of you, I hate the compliments.

It bothers me when fellow women come up to me and comment on the size of my waist. I don't want you to think that it is offensive. It just bothers me when people speak about my body, because they don't see the truth of it. Others do not get to experience the sadness I feel when I disrobe, then look at how pregnancy ravaged my body. They do not realize that while those 40 pounds gained do not seem like a lot to them, it was a huge amount for me. They do not see where I burnt my nine month pregnant baby bump after spilling hot water on it while draining spaghetti. They do not take me seriously.

While you probably roll your eyes at this admission, it is something that most women go through. Most of us look at our bodies and see something we wish we could change. I laid in my husband's arms the other night and wept. For eight years, I covered up instead of wearing what I wanted to wear. I found clothing that would hide my flaws as opposed to working on myself. I have a confession to make: I'm disappointed with myself. I'm ashamed of the jiggling that occurs that no one can see, but I can feel. I'm angry with what I allowed myself to become. Not because of my body, but because I settled. I'm done with settling. I'm going to do what I wanted to do with my life. I'm going to spend the next decade living the life I wanted to live and I'm going to begin today...with myself. So, hold me to it and stay tuned.

Coming up soon: My bikini inspiration that I must fit into by July and the body that says nah...