Mommy Proof #4

Mommy Proof #4: Your first child is the practice one...RIGHT???

*Flashback*

I was walking through my child's room wondering what was that stale smell. I picked up a stuffed animal and tossed it into the toy box. As it landed, I caught a whiff of something ungodly. Something truly fear invoking, it was a cross between a public men's bathroom and the subway entrance. URINE! The odor of stale urine had filled my nostrils, flaring them into the most unattractive face I have ever made. I carried the box out of her room and into the bathroom and placed it into the bathtub. As I was in the process of disinfecting, I called for my little child to come see me.

Child: Yes, Mama.

Me: What am I doing right now?

Child (with the cutest little smile): Cleaning the toy box.

Me: Why am I cleaning the toy box?

Child (eyes flicker with total recall): I.......don't.......know.....

Me: What was in the toy box that would make Mommy have to clean it? Did you spill something in there? There was urine in there. Where does urine belong?

Child: In the potty.

Me: NOT TOY BOXES!

Child: NOT TOY BOXES!

Me: Okay, help me dry it? Where does pee pee belong?

Child: In the potty, not my toy box!

The foundation had been laid. I reminded her where urine belonged. I had my daughter take accountability for the action by helping to dry the box and toys. (The stuffed animal had to be washed, then thrown away. The smell of fermented urine doesn't just go away. It may have been singed into my nose hairs, but that animal had to go.) The lesson had been learned.

Two days later, I found two little pellets of poop floating in a pool of urine in the bucket of an empty shape sorter. (For a brief moment, I thought an animal had made his way into the house. There was no way that my child could have done this...Again!)This act of defiance had continued way too long! I didn't just review the logistics of where poop and pee belong. Instead, I fussed as I had help cleaning the bucket. I ranted with a stern face. I raved with a firm tone. I brow beat that lesson into my 3 1/2 year old. About five hours later, I heard little feet scampering about across the hall. I stumbled out of my room and was met by a sobbing little person in the doorway.

Child: I have to pee.

Me, looking at the bathroom less than five feet away: Well, then go pee pee.

Child, wailing at this point: I am scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scared. I chastised my child for being afraid to get up and walk into the bathroom even with a night light. I fussed and ranted, because the friendly shadows on the walls became all things evil in the dark of night. I punished defiance never thinking about what the real issue could be. As parents, we must realize that our way of coping and their way of dealing are going to be different. They do not have the words to say, "I'm angry." "I'm lonely." "I'm scared." "I want some attention." "I don't want/like change." So, they control the situation how they deem fit.

Someone mentioned that when her child got upset, he urinated on the floor right in front of her. You may ask yourself, "Did he really just do that?" The truth is that it doesn't sound that unusual to me. Children react in ways that makes you wonder what they are thinking. Sometimes, they aren't. Have you ever seen that glazed look that comes over their eyes when they are about to do something that is out of the norm? That is when you address it. Call out their name to grab their attention. Let them know you see that they are losing control (literally), but don't make the situation worse. Have them tell you what the problem is or give them the words. "I see you are upset that you...., but you can't behave that way." Get down to their level and speak to them. With a firm, but loving tone, you can regain control and teach them the right way to react when they are upset.

The truth is that you will not catch every learning moment BEFORE it happens, but a lesson can be taught after the incident. Use those same methods after all is calm. Have the child accept responsibility. Speak about what you do when you get upset. Give them the words that can be used to respectfully communicate their feelings. Four children later, I have stopped asking, "Did they really just do that?" I can tell by the puddle in the toy box that they just did. The question is, "WHY?

ATTENTION: Please rest assured that only the coolest parents have been forced to clean up, contain, or throw away something that was covered in fecal matter.