Mommy Proof #32: To potty train, you must be all "in."

After reading Six Rs to Potty Training, one of the mommies has an "independent diva" that she is having a rough time potty training.  I'm hoping these pointers will help! Some people do not agree, but I feel potty training can be a play of "control" with some toddlers. Ever heard of a child urinating on the floor in defiance? My first child was almost 3 before she was potty trained and it was my husband that took the lead. Here are the things that I learned with her.

You have to be all "in": inclusion, intuition, intrigue, incentives, enthusiasm.

1. Inclusion means the state of being included. Potty training is an odd concept. "You want me to do what? In where?" It sounds absolutely ridiculous. From birth, they have been doing what is natural to them. To go when they had to and now we want them to learn something totally new. Also, everyone has to be included. It can be done in a long weekend. Meaning for some children, that ground work has been laid. Once it is laid, everyone has to fall in line. Speak to them, "Little one, starting tomorrow we need to use the potty all of the time!"

2. Intuition is necessary because they are learning something that she hasn't done before. I take my newly potty trained child every 15-20 minutes or so while giving them plenty to drink. Watermelon is a great snack if she likes it. ;-) I don't ask if they need to go. I tell the child it is time to use the potty now. Coax them with phrases so they know what you want them to do. This is where the potty training doll can be very helpful. Drink goes in here, Peepee comes out there! A phrase that helped with all of mine is, "Peepee come out!"
My second child held her urine until she was literally about to burst. The kid didn't want it to run down her legs and she didn't want to clean the floor. She couldn't even stand up straight. I sat her down on the potty and told the "peepee" to come out. I asked her where her tummy was hurting, which was at the top of her bladder and pressed ever so slightly. The flood gates opened and she learned the muscle that is needed to control it. We sometimes have to "show" them how to go.

3. Interest will make even the most headstrong kid come running to see what you are doing. I have used some interesting methods to get a child excited about using the potty. If you are comfortable, drink something, feign your "OH, MY! I have to go" action, and go running to the bathroom telling her to follow. Yes, I have done this. I also cheered for myself when I went. Sang the song as I washed my hands. Maybe, clapped for myself when I finished. :-/ BUT IT WORKED! The doll can serve the same purpose, without the Academy Award performance. I was that good, really nailed that role. Let her feed the baby and take her to the potty. It will click.

4. Incentives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Snacks, stickers, stamps on the hand, dancing, praising, and singing. But my greatest incentive of all was starting with all white panties. There are two reasons: THEY ARE BORING! THEY ARE EASY TO BLEACH!  Once she has been dry for a week straight, you bring out the big kid undies. The colorful ones, maybe with characters, flowers, etc. They worked every time. 

5: My last tip is ENTHUSIASM!!!!!!!!!!!!! The same way you would teach letters, numbers, and colors be enthusiastic. Would you want to learn something boring? Enough said!

Unofficial tip #6: Don't put a camera in the face of a toddler who is on the potty. You may or may not end up with urine on your foot. :'-(

Mommy Proof #31: Take a picture. It lasts longer.

Fewer moments in life are more exciting than bringing home a new baby. Oh, the smell of their newness will intoxicate a person making them unfit to make long term decisions. How many of us has left a new mother's house with nostalgia surrounding us in a cloud of memories? The thing about memories are that they are rarely as simple as we'd like to remember. So here are five reminders when welcoming a new baby home.

In your memory, having a newborn feels like this...

In reality....Need I say more?

1. They say newborns eat, sleep,and poop. That is a lie they tell you to fool you into having more children. Be prepared for your newborn to sleep beautifully in the hospital. The minute you bring them home they will engage you into a battle of wills. They will battle you until one of you passes out. They will win.

2. If you bring home a boy, be prepared for them to mark their territory. Everything is their territory. Your bed, their changing table, your couch....your face.

3. Newborns are cute and cuddly when they want to be. When they get hungry and/or wet, they turn into raging beasts. Remember to always keep them dry and clean. Remember that this is impossible.  Because as soon as you change a diaper, they eat. Then as soon as you feed them, they soil or wet themselves. You are failing at life.

4. Sleep when the baby sleeps! Keep in mind that the baby only sleeps at times that you need to be up and busy. Don't expect to make dinner if you are sleeping. If you have an older child......Well, sleep with your eyes open.

5. Enjoy it! A year from the day you bring your newborn home, you will be remembering how small they were and how fast they grew. Let their be dirty dishes in the sink. Keep up with laundry as you can. Photograph that first smile. Newborns are only new for a short period of time. Hold your newborn the way your friends with older children do. Drink in their essence. You can do it!


A special note to a special mommy: I hope you have an uneventful, quick, painless labor. :-/ Okay, well the painless part won't happen, but you will be just fine. I know you will continue to be as awesome a mother as your mother was to you. Now get to pushing!

Mommy Proof #30: It's okay to cry.

My oldest child had emergency surgery last week. Emergency is a word that is scary enough. Surgery is enough to make your heart stall. They have to put her under anesthesia. They have to cut her little body. She will forever be altered. How much pain will she be in? How will she cope? How will I cope? Who will watch my other children? Who will keep them during the surgery? What do I tell them? Then, your mind starts to run the gamut of  "What ifs?" What if the surgeon isn't the best? What if there is a complication? What if she doesn't wake up? What if...

There are no correct answers. In the hospital room before she was wheeled out of surgery, I paced back and forth with my mind racing. We went from a low grade fever and tummy ache to being admitted into the hospital. My baby was about to be cut open for the surgeon to remove her appendix, yet there she lay laughing and joking with us. So, I had to be brave. I couldn't show that I was scared. I couldn't cry. The problem is......I love to cry. I absolutely love to cry. It is great. It is a way to purge all of my emotions. It may be my favorite past time, but it isn't always productive. If I had shown her my tears, she would have known that I was scared. Then, she would have been scared.

Bob the Bear accompanied my daughter into the operating room. They removed his appendix, too.

Instead, I smiled and made lame jokes. Horribly, lame jokes. I didn't expect her to laugh and she didn't. It did break the ice though. It did allow her to say she didn't expect this to happen. It did help her to put her emotions into words. It made me realize that this was moving much too fast for her, too. It is probably what helped us to cope. From stomach ache to surgery, we didn't have time to be afraid. We had to face this head on and it made the hard decisions easy to make.

Life has a funny way of repeating itself. Nine and a half years before, it was just us in a hospital room facing the unknown. We didn't know what to expect, but we knew the next step had to be made. As her bed was rolled out of her room, I followed while silently praying. I prayed for her well being. I prayed she would be fine. I prayed everything would go well. I prayed that the surgeon would take care of her as I would. I prayed that this would all be over. I prayed that this would go away. I laughed as she joked with the anesthesiologist. I chuckled at her attempt to make jokes even though you could see her fear. My heart swelled with joy when I saw her face as her father walked in to embrace her small body. Then, she was wheeled away from us through those doors where I had no control. We held hands and walked down the corridor. Finally, I took a deep breath and sobs replaced it. Short, strong sobs that did not help, but allowed myself to feel what my mind thought.

An hour later, the surgeon walked down the hall with a smile on his face. Her infected appendix was gone. She was in recovery. She was going to be just fine and I cried again. It is okay to cry. I cried when I saw her in recovery. I cried when she was determined to get out of bed and walk. I shed a couple tears when I saw the determination etched on her face as she would attempt to sit up by herself. As I said earlier, life has a funny way of repeating itself. Once again, it was just us in a hospital room. Amen.

Hello, little Miss Invisible

Mommy Proof #29: I may have failed to mention my middle child....

I take it middle child syndrome is real. We have a second born child. I don't believe I have ever mentioned her. I'm positive I have never blogged about her. I have mentioned having four. I have written about my youngest child and his demands for the vast amount of my attention. I have laughed about my mini-me who makes me wonder how I ever decided that I could be some one's mother. I have triumphed with my third child who has overcome a few learning disablities. In the midst of it all, I may have accidentally failed to mention that I do, indeed, have another child that makes that number into a fabulous four. Her name may have fallen by the wayside as I focused my efforts on the child that needed it the most at any given moment.

She is a seven year old girl with the biggest smile and brightest eyes that you can imagine. A tiny one with a Bostonian accent that we all wonder where it came from as we live in a tiny country town. A daddy's girl at night and a mommy's girl during the day, that is our child. She looks like her father and has a personality like her mother. The kid that hardly ever gets sick, but when she does so sick she is! A child who cries every morning about going to school and smiles every afternoon as I pick her up. The easy going kid that never gets in any trouble. She is a perfect student. Quiet, well-mannered, appropriately behaved...

The type of kid that will call you from the school nurse's phone feigning an illness. Then when you get to the school, you can look in her eyes and tell that is not the real reason she is upset. You gather her into your arms and she melts into position. A hug is the cure for her discomfort. A cuddle is the needed therapy for a headache. A little bit of love is needed to hold her for the remaining four hours of school. So that is what I do, time and time again. Sometimes staying at the school to sit for library time. Watching her as she first watches me to see if I will remain there, then I am watching her as she forgets that I am still there. 

Then, she got sick and it reminded me of something. What if her sickness is not just a virus? What if it is something serious? How many minutes have I missed a memory to be made? So I decided to make more of an effort. I vowed to pay more attention than less when she is content to sit quietly. Instead of focusing on the ones that need to be entertained, what if I just go and sit quietly with her? What if I let her know that she is equally important? How many times have I neglected to do that? How content was she? I have come to cherish those times. They make her who she is and who she will become. I would hate for her to think that I focused so much on her siblings that I missed seeing her grow up...

One of the rare moments a family member captured. Just me, #2, and soon to #4....

Mommy Proof #28: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."-Thumper, "Bambi" (1942)

Thoughtless Things People Say to Stay at Home Moms:

 1. "Don't you get bored?" During the course of a day, I do at least two loads of laundry, prepare breakfast and lunch, prepare numerous snacks, teach and play with a toddler, clean the house, pick up after a toddler, do the dishes, get the kids ready for school, run errands, change at least 8 diapers, pick up three kids, entertain them, referee them, help with homework, prepare and cook dinner, give four baths, etc. Nope. I don't have time for boredom.

 2. "I would love to sit around doing nothing all day." Yeah.....................Okay. Look at the response to number 1.

 3. "What do you do all day?" Yeah........................Okay. Look at the response to number 1.

 4. "Don't you want a real job?" Motherhood isn't a job. It's your life.

 5. "Didn't you go to college?" I did. It wasn't challenging enough. O_o

 6. "That would be my worst nightmare." Then, you must have some really lame dreams.

 7. "I brought you the help wanted ads." Thanks. I've been needing a nurse, chef, maid, wet nurse, chauffeur, nanny, psychiatrist, assistant, repair woman, teacher...clone. :-/

 8. "So...you are JUST a mom." Do I need to be more.

 9. "You've never wanted to do something with your life." Nope. Never. This is it. Poor me, right?

10. "Yeah, you have too many kids to work." Yes, because raising four kids isn't work. I love being on vacation every day. During last week's vacation, I cleaned up after four kids that were sick with a stomach virus, while nursing a sick toddler, while sick myself.

Mommy Proof #27: Depression will suck all the life out of you, until you get help.

Ten Reasons to hate Postpartum Depression:

1. It makes you feel so tired that you won't even want to lift your head off your pillow.

2. It makes you want to cry.

3. You sometimes feel like ending it all.

4. You wonder if your baby hates you, if everyone hates you, if you hate yourself...

5.  You may feel totally disconnected from the life you just brought forth from your loins.

6.  It makes you think making dinner is the most insurmountable task that could ever exist.

7.  You begin to smell if you don't take a shower.

8.  There is hardly any joy in your life.

9.  Everyone gets on your nerves.

10. You get on your own nerves.

Ten Reasons You Can Love Postpartum Depression:

1. When you do get to sleep, it is the best sleep in the world. You can literally sleep the day away, then sleep some more at night, and some more.

2. Wanting to cry all of the time stinks. BUT with tears, I can get my husband to clean the kitchen, help with homework, do the laundry, and tend to the baby...while I sleep.

3. When I feel like ending it all, I do it in the healthiest way possible. I stop stressing myself out. I stop trying to keep up with the dishes and laundry. I do the bare minimum to get me through that day with minimal guilt: pick up the kids, help with homework, prepare dinner, and give baths. Then, we sleep!

4. It helped me to appreciate my baby, kids, family, and friends once the worst of it was over. The kids had never been funnier and cuter. The baby made me want to laugh and cry with every milestone wondering what I missed when I was in my funk, then no longer caring. Because the end result was he did love me, they did love me, and I was loved, no matter what I thought.

5. You admit to yourself that being a mom is harder than it looks. Sometimes it does take a while to bond with the screaming, temperamental, bawling little stranger whose birth caused you to suffer the worst pain imaginable (AKA RING OF FIRE The Legend of the Doomsday Birther )

6.  I had the best feeling when I would prepare a meal that would make my children happy and full. It was also nutritious. I did good!

7.  Take the time to take care of yourself. When I finally starting caring about how I looked, I cared about how I felt.

8. Joy is the last thing you feel when you are depressed. The first time you really laugh after you get help will be a memorable occasion.

9.  It is hard to go through day to day activities that deal with other people when you don't even want to get out of bed. There are rules that you must live by in civilized society. When I willingly went to the store the first time, I knew I could see the light at the end of the depression tunnel.

10. I still remember the day I looked in the mirror and smiled at what I saw. It was the day I remembered who I am and who I was.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you are feeling symptoms of postpartum depression, address it with your doctor. It doesn't make you weak. It will make you stronger.
Mayo Clinic's list of PPD symptoms
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546/DSECTION=symptoms

Look What I Can Do, Didn't Do, Can't Decide to Do

Mommy Proof #26: The cloud really aren't following you...

Yes, it is time for a mommy confession. When I was younger and my magical imagination was still intact, I actually believed that the world really did revolve around me. So much so, that the clouds followed me around. Every time I looked out the window, that is what they were doing. Morphing into shapes that were just for my pleasure and entertainment. A lot of times, my mother didn't see those shapes until I pointed them out to her. If I stopped long enough to really look, the clouds would realize what I was doing and slowly start inching away from me. The clouds must have thought I would be a STAR!

Well, look where that has led me. I am a star. I can't have a conversation without the paparrazi...AKA kids....hanging on my every word. My toddler is always pulling my shirt off and hanging on my every movement. I have my very own stalkers. Every time I turn on a particular social network, I am bombarded by people that essentially want me to sponsor their every move. They hold us signs trying to get me to agree/like/share their every move. Because if I share it, others will.

"Like if you think I am pretty."
"My mom said if we get a million likes we can get a puppy."
"My dad said if we get a million shares we can get a kitten."
"Like if you love your mother, if you don't share you hate her."
"My husband said if we get a million likes we are going to Disney World."
"Like if you love bacon."

The first time I saw those likes, I was all for it. How could I not be happy that somebody's grandmother turned 103? How could it not be inspiring that the four year old had his last chemo treatment? Of course, I am cheering for them. How could I not? But somewhere along the lines, someone decided that turning 103 was too big of a feat for their family and decided to bring the 'likes' down to Earth. I began to wonder, just what is social media doing to our lives? Have we and are we raising a generation of people that can't make a decision without getting validation for it? Then, I saw the commercial where the little boy flushes the toilet and a parade arrives outside his door.

That is when I saw what has happened to our lives. Everything has become praiseworthy. The other day, I proudly exclaimed for the benefit of my tyrannical toddler, "I love how you are all playing nicely together!" One of the older kids said, "Look how I am building ALL BY MYSELF!" I was taken back as to what to say. Surely, she doesn't want me to repeat the earlier commendation. I decided to use my sarcastic wit as a reminder that she has been doing that since she was her little brother's age of 1. That made everyone collapse into giggles as they imagined themselves at his age. I began to wonder if I am doing to my children the very thing I hate. As I scrolled through my pictures, I was happy and afraid to see that I may have created a milestone of sorts: first smile, first prayer, first tooth filled grin, first snow, but what I didn't do was try to make it into a cornucopia of  Mad TV "Stuart." (Please tell me you remember that comedic genius! "Look what I can do!" http://www.amazon.com/Best-MadTV-Seasons-Craig-Anton/dp/B000A88EUK ) I didn't post:

"Share if you like snow!"
"Like if you love to pray"
"Share if you like teeth, if you don't share your teeth will fall out."

I planned a trip to take the kids to Disney World and I took them without a million likes. The first time my kids got a pet I didn't petition my friends to share the picture. I didn't make a you tube video of my children pop locking to a Korean pop star. I have made it through my life so far without getting a million likes....or even a hundred. So this is my promise to you.  You will never open this blog and see a picture of my toddler's first poop. You will never see if he smeared it all over his hands. You will never see the first time he asks if you like sea food, then opens his mouth for you to see his chewed up food. I may make a status about the last time he nurses, but I promise to NEVER, EVER  post a picture of me crying outside with my empty milk-less breasts flapping in the wind. Now, share this blog for a million likes. O_o